


Gasp & Shudder

by StarTokki



Series: 153 Ways To Say I Love You [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Mild Language, Stress Baking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21820318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTokki/pseuds/StarTokki
Summary: “Hey, TY,” Taeil says softly in that melodic voice of his, expression softening to one more muted in its intensity but no less affectionate. Taeyong melts against the wall behind him at how much endearment is in Taeil’s voice. “Wanna tell me what that was about?”
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Moon Taeil
Series: 153 Ways To Say I Love You [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1231403
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	Gasp & Shudder

It isn’t often that Taeyong finds himself alone in the dorms. More often than not, there’s always another member around. If not another member, or their managers, then the dorm aunt can be found flitting around the dorm, cleaning or preparing meals for them to come home to.

However, the dorm was completely empty and silent when Taeyong woke up from his midday nap; a rare occurrence in his busy schedule.

Using the empty dorm to his advantage, Taeyong had taken a long hot shower - one he thought he rightfully deserved after constant back-to-back schedules. Flying back and forth between countries takes a big toll on his body. Sometimes he finds himself lying awake at night, regretting showing weakness in front of fans, when he is supposed to be one of the pillars of the group. 

Those nights are easily pacified when he listens to the noises outside of his room, as he listens to the members, the managers, or the dorm aunt shuffling about. Even if his body betrays him, even if he pushes himself to his limits - and past it - he will always have the members; to fall on, to have his back, to catch him when he stumbles, to be right there by his side - through hell and back.

Because if there’s anything that can keep him from falling further into his depression, into the dark abyss that threatens to swallow him whole every time he’s left to his own devices, it’s his members - his found family.

A creak from one of the rooms pulls Taeyong from his thoughts of the past year, of the changes they’ve undergone as a group and as an individual. He turns slowly turns around towards the direction of the noise, blinking in confusion. He quiets the music playing from the kitchen’s bluetooth speaker - courtesy of Dongyoung - and sets down the bowl he’s using to mix the cake batter for the cake he is making as a surprise for the members as a sign of gratitude. (And to satisfy his own sweet craving, too, but that’s besides the point.)

“Erm,” he starts, voice hoarse from singing along to the songs without proper warm ups, before swallowing and clearing his throat a couple times. “Hello? Doyoungie,” he calls out in question, thinking the mentioned member has come back from his schedule just now. 

A quick glance to his phone’s clock shows that it’s only a quarter past six in the afternoon. The members should be coming back soon but he wasn’t expecting them back already. He thought he had at least another hour! 

When he gets no response, he takes a step forward, then another. “Johnny,” he calls out again, hoping it’s another member instead and not just his imagination - or worse. He quickly steps out of the kitchen to look down the halls, and glance into the living room.

Everything is as he remembers it, and he doesn’t hear anything else after pausing to listen, but his heart is racing.

His hand instinctively reaches up, and he gnaws on his fingers anxiously, before he catches himself and stops himself; he mumbles a half-hearted chastisement to remind himself to stop his bad habits.

“Must be hearing things,” he says quietly to himself, hoping that speaking the words into existence would make them the truth; he feels a little silly talking to himself but it makes him feel better when he’s alone.

At least he hopes he is

.

Shuffling back to the kitchen, Taeyong plays the next song on his playlist rather than starting the song back up from where he stopped it. The song is a softer one, less upbeat than the previous song, but just as perfect for filling in the silence of the dorm.

Having been around so many members, a couple noisy ones at that, it’s hard to find peace in extended periods of silence. Taeyong likes the silence, the peace calming him between bouts of hectic schedules and exhausting practices, but if he’s left too long without a distraction his thoughts start to get too loud. The best way - outside of practice, schedules, or work - to drown them out is to let the music overwhelm the silence, to silence his insecurities and anxiety by being louder than his thoughts.

He picks up the bowl of cake batter and gets back to work mixing the ingredients together. Taeyong focuses his attention back on the task and promptly forgets the noise he heard.

At least for a little while.

-

Just after he places the cake in the oven to bake and closes the door, Taeyong startles when one of the bedroom doors slams suddenly in the silence between songs. “Shit!” He knocks against the bowl in his surprise, and winces when he watches it fall off the counter and shatter against the kitchen floor. “Ah… _Great_.”

He knows he should clean up the glass before someone (namely himself) steps on a shard and cuts their foot open but he _has_ to know if there’s someone else in the dorm. He’s definitely got his priorities straight! His heart starts to hammer in his chest again as he tiptoes around the shards, carefully moving the bigger pieces together with his slipper, before slowly making his way out of the kitchen again.

Taking a deep breath, Taeyong peeks around the corner to peer down the hallway that leads towards the sound. 

He counts to twenty in his head and when nothing happens and no sounds are heard, inches closer to the door. He keeps his back to the wall and glances in the opposite direction every few steps, just to make sure no one can sneak up on him from behind - thank you horror movies for giving him tips and tricks on how _not_ to die - and carefully makes his way closer to the closed door. 

He and the members make it a habit of leaving the doors open when it’s okay to enter or if they’re not currently home, so there’s no reason to explain why the door of Taeil and Yuta’s room is closed. Taeyong keeps track of _everyone’s_ schedule; Taeil should still be at vocal practice and then he should be in the recording studio, recording for a new song for the next two or three hours, while Yuta should be gone until even later for his own recordings and extra dance practice after confessing he feels like he’s not quite nailing the choreography.

So neither of them should be home right now...

It cannot be the wind blowing the door shut because it’s _winter_ and it’s _cold_ outside! 

It can’t be the air conditioner either because they keep it off in the room if they’re not home. And… 

Really, there’s no logical reason.

No logical reason except… maybe it’s a burglar?

Or.

_Or_...

Taeyong swallows thickly, his hand pressing against his chest to try to calm himself down. He can feel his heart racing beneath his fingertips, and prays it’s not the conclusion he came to.

Maybe… it’s a _ghost_.

He hopes it’s not a ghost. 

Please, do not let it be a ghost.

He’s too stressed to add a haunting on his list of stressors! He barely gets enough rest as it is, he doesn’t need a ghost to be keeping him up even further at night! He almost whines at the thought of a ghost preventing him from getting the sleep he deserves, before catching himself and remembering he’s supposed to be _stealthy_ right now.

_You got this, Taeyong. You got this!_

Getting over his internal tantrum, Taeyong inhales deeply and braves the last few metres towards the door - at a snail’s pace. Better safe than sorry! He needs the element of surprise on his side; he might be athletic and fit in the sense of being a dancer, but there’s no way he can win against someone who might be taller, bigger, and heavier him! Nor can he win against a ghost… He aggressively shakes his head.

Not a ghost. 

Nope.

It’s definitely **not** a ghost. He shudders. Oh, Lord, please don’t be a ghost. 

  
  


When he reaches the door, he does his best to keep his hand steady as he reaches out for the handle. He turns the handle slowly, quietly as to not alert whoever may be inside, before pausing when it’s completely turned and ready to be pushed open. He takes a long breath, holds it, then exhales evenly; rinse and repeat two more times before his expression harders and he mentally prepares himself to go against whoever may be inside.

“Don’t move,” Taeyong shouts as he bursts into the room.

Taeil yelps in surprise at the sudden exposure when the door slams open, hugging his t-shirt to his bare torso, causing Taeyong to gasp in shock before flailing to pull the door closed. Taeyong scrambles backwards until his back meets the wall parallel to the door, grunts from the impact, then slides down the wall when his legs give out. 

His heart is still racing from the fear that latches onto it with a strong hold - even after he knows it’s not a ghost but his dear hyung Taeil. 

  
  


Both of his hands cross over his chest, his eyes wide with shock, when the door cautiously opens moments later and Taeil’s head peeks out through the gap. The older male’s eyes quickly find Taeyong’s, and they stare at each other for a minute of mutual surprise and confusion; neither wanting to speak the first word just yet.

A smile slowly spreads across Taeil’s face as the older male takes in the absurdity of the situation, before his face scrunches up in laughter. Taeyong’s eyes widen impossibly wider as he watches as Taeil starts laughing loudly; that deep, full-body laugh that Taeil only graces them with in private, away from the cameras, or when he forgets they’re filming; when he forgets to hide his true self for the sake of his image.

Taeyong can’t help but follow along a few seconds later, although much quieter and much more skittish, as he starts to recovers from the adrenaline rush. 

“Ah, _hyung_ ,” Taeyong complains with a breathless whine. “What are you doing home already?”

Taeyong blushes, hating how his heart easily calms and the tension bleeds from his body as Taeil reveals himself completely by opening the door completely, still laughing - though calmer now. Taeil leans against the door frame and smiles down at him, and God have mercy on him, he looks so gorgeous like this: with the artificial light of the room casting a halo of light on him, his face glowing with affection, and eyes so full of love that has Taeyong wanting to look away but knowing he can’t when he’s this entranced. 

“Hm,” he asks, but answers the question before Taeyong can repeat himself. “Ah, yeah. Johnny wanted to go over the recordings of his parts some more, so they rescheduled me for tomorrow instead. I got home while you were napping,” he supplies with an amused grin. “You didn’t hear me? At all?”

Taeyong has always been a fool for love but seeing Taeil look so relaxed, freshly changed, and smiling down at him like he’s the only person in the world, has his heart beating fast for a completely different reason than before.

He shakes his head at the question, forgoing a verbal confirmation.

Taeil is so beautiful, it’s almost painful, and he can’t help but get lost in Taeil’s beauty, savouring as much as it as he can before the other members come home and the attention passes to someone else.

“Hey, TY,” Taeil says softly in that melodic voice of his, expression softening to one more muted in its intensity but no less affectionate. Taeyong melts against the wall behind him at how much endearment is in Taeil’s voice. “Wanna tell me what that was about?”

Taeyong whines quietly, shaking his head, and Taeil just laughs again. “No,” he says after a moment of internal debate, “It’s too embarrassing to admit outloud.”

Crouching down in front of him, Taeil reaches out to cup Taeyong’s cheek. Taeyong takes this moment to nuzzle into the palm of his hand, pressing a kiss to the middle of it, while looking up at Taeil with a small smile. 

“Of course it is,” Taeil says, the corner of his lips twitching in an obvious sign of mischief. Taeyong mourns for the moment being lost by Taeil’s playfulness. “It’s _you_ we’re talking about.”

Taeyong bats away his hand with a groan, the blush colouring his face a darker shade of red and spreading further across his handsome features. He covers the lower half of his face to hide, even though Taeil can see it so easily from this close, before mumbling the truth into the palm of his own hand.

Taeil leans closer to hear but isn’t able to catch it. He tilts his head in confusion, patiently waiting for Taeyong to repeat himself and Taeyong cracks with a heavy sigh. He was never good at keeping things from Taeil; the older is just… so easy to confide in.

“I heard the door close and thought you were a ghost,” he summarizes, eyes diverting to stare down at Taeil’s hands now hanging between his legs from his crouching position. He hears Taeil snort at the answer and flushes more. 

“Am I at least a sexy ghost,” Taeil asks jokingly, before laughing out in surprise when Taeyong aims a few playful slaps to his shoulders, trying to push him over without much success. “Hey, hey, come on!”

Taeyong whines again, sinking further down the wall until he’s laying across the floor of the hallway - his legs stretching out on either side of Taeil’s body. Taeil moves to sit down between his spread legs and pats his thigh in a comforting manner. It doesn’t pacify Taeyong’s embarrassment but it somehow does make him feel less like a fool.

They stay like that, with Taeyong playing with Taeil’s fingers between his own, as Taeil recounts his day at Taeyong’s prodding. It’s feels so mundane but in their life, it’s a perfect moment of peace.

  
  


“Uh,” Taeil starts quietly, then hesitates. Taeyong looks at him and raises an eyebrow in question, prompting him to continue. Taeil takes a couple quick breaths, sniffing the air curiously. “I think… I smell something burning?”

“What,” Taeyong shouts in surprise, sniffing at the air as well, before scrambling to get off the floor. He knocks over Taeil in his haste before he’s rushing to the kitchen when he remembers the cake that he was baking. “AH, shit!”

  
  


-

  
  


Dongyoung sits smugly at the table, one leg under the other while scrolling through his phone, trying to imitate a bored appearance, while a perfectly baked cake cools on the counter. Taeyong rushes to the oven regardless to check it for anything burning. It’s there that he finds a small piece of batter pathetically burnt inside a makeshift bowl of aluminium foil, only slightly smoking. 

He pulls it from the oven - which isn’t even _on_ anymore - and looks at it in confusion.

“What,” Dongyoung says defensively, eyes narrowing when Taeyong turns and looks at him with a disbelieving expression. He sighs when Taeyong gestures at the sad bundle, rolling his eyes before going back to eating some of the snacks he has brought back with him. He still watches Taeyong, who watches him back.

Taeyong gestures at the bundle, then at the younger male, who responds with a shrug of his shoulders. Taeil walks in at that moment, before laughing when he sees what caused the smell of smoke.

“Aigoo,” he coos, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s slim waist from behind, resting his chin on the younger male’s shoulder as he looks at the foil bowl. He presses a kiss to Taeyong’s nape. “I didn’t know you had a bun in the oven? When were you going to tell me you were pregnant?”

Taeyong and Dongyoung groan in unison.

It isn’t until the cake is cool enough to decorate that Taeyong remembers the shattered glass bowl. He glances at Dongyoung, who is still sitting at the table watching a drama on his phone with Taeil, before noticing the blue coloured band-aid on the sole of his foot. 

When he looks back up at the duo, his eyes meet Dongyoung’s and he gives the younger male a small smile of gratitude. Dongyoung smiles back before going back to his show. 

  
  


Later on, he makes sure to give some of his meat pieces to Dongyoung, ignoring the complaints of the other members about unfair treatment.

**Author's Note:**

> Written by Tokki.
> 
> I felt like this had a lot more... introspection that I necessarily planned for but I'm quite proud with how it turned out, especially when I was randomly inspired to write again after so long. 
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/StarTokkiAo3)


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